You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
