i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
