You work out of a Hotel?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
