just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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