He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
