Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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