thus making me awesome and them whores
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
