Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
