K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Couch. On fire.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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