Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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