I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
