I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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