I got chris browned last night
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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