Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
