Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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