Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
