I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
