do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
