suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Randomize
