so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
