I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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