Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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