no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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