He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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