Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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