My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
