Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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