She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
