We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
