I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
