Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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