my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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