You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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