what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
