He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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