All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
