I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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