Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
