i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
