Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I AM VODKA MAN
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
