toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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