I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
