Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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