I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
