I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
