dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
