Yo dont text me then not text me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There's always time for handjobs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
