i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
