Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
