im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
